. I try to get dressed in the dark for as long as I can. And than when I have to turn on the lights, I try to cover their eyes with my robe when I remember Lolol
In the midst of the madness.
I found myself having to create a method of self care.
Surrounding myself with positivity, the people I love, and the people that love me. Cutting out things that I do not appreciate or like. Unfriending secret bigots, reminding some of their privileges and understanding my own.
Self care in this time is crucial.
Reading about the victims that lost their lives to the very hands that are there to protect.
Countless heartbreaking stories of mothers, fathers, brothers sisters, daughters, sons and cousins lives coming up short.
In the fog of the politically correct, I see those who are drenched in blood asking why, while others are saying ‘let the trash take themselves out.’ Reading the status’s of people I sat next to in class, or shared a beer pong table say things like Blue Lives Matter and All Lives Matter.
I find myself infuriated and questioning. How do you say that without knowing what it means. Do you mean to be spiteful? Do you mean to be hateful? Where does it come from. Your mother? I know her. Your father? He’s a good man.
Where does it come from, deep inside your soul and your mind. Do you really think this is okay? Where is your compassion? Where is your justice? Does death have to come knocking on your front door for you to understand? Does it have to reach into you family tree and pluck some out?
What about stopping police brutality is so offensive to you? What about proclaiming Black Lives matter is so offensive to you?
I’m sorry I wont ask you anymore questions.
I wrote this up one night a few months ago, but didn’t post it because I’m a wimp. Hence the title, Growing Guts.
It’s easier for me to write how I feel, or even talk to people in real life.
But almost impossible for me to post it. Especially when events are so fresh. When my feelings are so unorganized.
But After the election I found myself feeling the same way again. Overwhelmed. Like I couldn’t breath right. A certain terrible thickness in my chest. Like I have had a xxs bra on for months.
I’m not sure why people who are my friends voted Trump. I’d truly like to believe that they are not outright racists because they know my family. I’ve brought these people into my home. Call me naïve but I truly do not believe that ALL white people secretly feel some type of way about POC. Or was I always just the exception?
However with those that have stated they voted for Trump, it just really opened my eyes. You may not see what Trump represents because it doesn’t touch you the same way to touches me. You can say you went with him because of his candidness. You can say you went with him because of his economic policies.
But at the end, you chose money, you chose ‘candidness’ over people.
You picked a man that gave the already dangerous racist ass people, the okay to feel like they don’t have to hide it anymore.
And I don’t think I will ever be able to accept that. You are still my friend, but I will be a little bit more cautious.
That is my process of self care at this point.
Proof haha because I’m all about showing receipts! A screenshot of my drafts lol So to those that say stop being dramatic about Self Care.
It’s a real thing, and this election wasn’t the beginning of it.