I have never been a super positive person. Some would probably say I’m always looking for the flaw, and honestly, they wouldn’t be wrong. My mind is wired to scan for what could go wrong, to anticipate the worst-case scenario, and to start building my escape plan before the disaster even arrives. Strangely enough, this way of thinking has saved me from grief, heartbreak, anger,etc more times than I can count. Having a mental buffer, a plan for the “what ifs,” has made me resilient.

But here’s the tension, I don’t want to lead my life from a place of constant defense. To be positive takes work for me. I have to pause, take the thought that comes naturally, and actively reframe it into something more hopeful, more generous, more loving. I am all about the reframe. My thoughts, as they come, aren’t always what I want to put into the world. And so I practice, over and over again, choosing a softer tone, a kinder angle. I can be straight forward and not a bitch. At one point I honestly couldn’t tell you the difference. But the truth is, you either have intention to be helpful OR you have the intention to simply point out the wrong doing. Being honest with myself helped me either just be helpful or be quiet.

Motherhood has made this even more real. Kids don’t just hear what we say; they absorb the energy behind it. AM I PUTTING OFF THE GOOD VIBES TO THE GIRLIES?! My daughters are watching the way I react to inconvenience, happiness, disappointment, even just the everyday grind. Do I sigh and complain, or do I take a breath and show them that there’s another way to see it? Can the see things for what they are, and still also see the light? The balance between my natural “scan for the worst” instinct and the kind of mom I want to be is something I think about every single day. I want them to grow up knowing that life is hard and beautiful, that we can prepare for challenges without becoming consumed by them.

Friendship and Marriage work the same way. I’ve learned that being the friend\spouse who always points out the flaw or the risk can be exhausting, even when my intentions are good. Leading with positivity. Choosing to see the bright side first, makes me a better friend. It creates space for laughter, encouragement, and joy, instead of always feeling like we’re bracing for the next shit storm.

I think, deep down, that’s the real balance I’ve been trying to maintain. Being realistic has kept me safe, but being positive makes me present. And that’s what the people I love my kids, my friends, my man, really need from me.

Positivity isn’t just about being a better mom, friend, or partner. It’s about me being happier, too. When I put in the effort to reframe my thoughts, I feel lighter. I laugh more. I enjoy the moment instead of preparing for its collapse. It’s not about pretending everything is perfect, it never will be, but about choosing a lens that lets me see the good that’s already here. That’s my main motivation. When I’m positive, I feel more alive.