In a time where misinformation is everywhere and a lot of people are looking for a safe box to sit in. ( not me tho) don’t put me in any box. This is inspired by the comment section in a random tiktok about sleep training vs. not sleep training. 

I’ve been thinking about how wild it is that when someone presents new factual information, the gut reaction is rarely, “Oh wow, I didn’t know that.”

More often than not, it’s defend, explain, argue, deflect, die on a hill that didn’t even exist five minutes ago.

Why is it so hard for people to just pause and say, “Hmm. That gives me something to think about”. Why do we act like new information is a personal attack instead of an opportunity to grow? I really don’t think most people realize how much their nervous system hijacks their ability to learn.

We hear correction or even just a different perspective and the body goes into fight or flight. The heart races. The walls come up. We think we’re being judged or called out when in reality, someone’s just adding depth. And instead of staying present, we defend. We explain. We argue for something we didn’t even feel strongly about until it got challenged. It’s okay to come to the realization that maybe you got duped but a very articulate TikToker. Lmao It happens. 

You ever see someone passionately defending a word or phrase they only half understand? That’s not logic speaking, that’s their nervous system. That’s ego. That’s someone feeling threatened, even if no one’s yelling.

And I get it. Being corrected can feel like someone’s trying to take something from you. But the truth is, growth doesn’t take anything from you, it adds to you.

I think a lot of the tension happens when people confuse connotation with denotation.

Connotation is how a word made you feel. Denotation is what it actually means. And while your feelings matter, remember that they don’t. 😂 sorry that was mean. They do matter just not in a way that should make skip out on growth. 

So when someone says, “Hey, maybe don’t use that phrase,” the reaction is often, “But I didn’t mean it like that. That’s not what it means to me.”

I wish more people understood that it doesn’t matter how it made you feel if the actual meaning is harmful or historically loaded. You’re allowed to have felt safe or neutral using it but now that you know better, don’t double down.

It’s not about guilt. It’s about responsibility.

What would it look like if more of us responded to these moments with curiosity instead of ego? 

(in light of the world, social media atmosphere etc. I think it’s important to start thinking of ways to improve your relationships, and that can start with decent conversations. So this is me trying to think of ways to be better, do better) 

Imagine someone saying, “I always thought it meant this. I had no idea. Thank you for telling me.” That’s growth. That’s community. That’s grown-ass adult behavior.

what I’m learning:

 I KNOW ANOTHER LIST. Also inspired by some tips I learned from motherhood. Try not to tell your kid what they can’t do. Tell them what they CAN do. 

• Lead with curiosity, not correction. If you’re the one sharing new info, try asking, “What does that mean to you?” before jumping in with facts. It keeps things grounded.

• De-escalate the threat. Say, “I didn’t know this until recently either,” or “This blew my mind too when I learned it.” People are more open when they don’t feel cornered. 

• Give folks an exit ramp. No one likes being put on blast. Offer them a way out: “You probably didn’t know,” or “That used to be super common.”

• Model what you want to see. When someone shares something new with you, say, “Damn, I didn’t know that.” Let people see that learning out loud is safe.

Like let’s be fr not every conversation will end in agreement. That’s fine. Sometimes planting a seed is enough. Sometimes people need time to sit with things. Sometimes the best you can do is pause and say, “Let me think about that.”

And tbh,that’s enough. 

And look, if sleep training works for you and your family amazing. I’m not here to judge. The full philosophy around it isn’t really my vibe, but there are definitely pieces I’ve pulled into my own home. I’m all about schedules, consistency, and a solid routine. What I skip is anything that involves letting my babies cry it out, even for a few minutes. That’s just not something I’m comfortable with. But if it works for you and helps you stay sane, do your thing. A well-rested mother is a better one, and I promise what you do at bedtime has zero effect on my household